DEPARTMENT 001
Official useless fact
Receive a carefully selected piece of information with no practical application whatsoever.
A queue is just a line with better public relations.
Accuracy not independently audited.
Welcome, valued visitor
Making absolutely no difference.
We are committed to the tireless production of information nobody requested, decisions nobody needs, and achievements nobody can verify.
✦
DEPARTMENT 002
Your new job title
You've been promoted. No interview, qualifications or actual responsibilities required.
Deputy Director of Mildly Important Things
Salary remains disappointingly unchanged.
DEPARTMENT 003
Today's official priority
Our strategic priorities are reviewed whenever someone remembers to review them.
Consider whether the office plant is judging us.
Implementation entirely optional.
DEPARTMENT 004
Departmental efficiency
Our performance figures are calculated using a proprietary system of pure guesswork.
Current efficiency: 12.4% (excellent)
These figures are not suitable for any purpose.
Important departmental announcement
This website is temporarily occupied by nonsense. There is nothing to purchase, no one to contact and absolutely no reason to refresh the page. Thank you for your cooperation.